‘If a friend is in
trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.
Think of
something appropriate and do it.’
- Edgar Watson Howe
When Karen asked me to be part of her guest blogger ‘Pearls
of Wisdom’ month I, of course, jumped at the chance to be part of it and I knew
instantly what I wanted to talk about.
Karen’s posts are always so meaningful and genuine and I
wanted to make sure my ‘pear of wisdom’ truly meant something to me.
For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write something on
my own blog about relationships. In particular how they change after having a
baby, and when I saw this quote it brought an instant smile to my face. You
know, that smile when you get it. When it touches you. (not inappropriately or
anything though!)
Since having my son (18 months ago now – how did that
happen?) the most surprising change, for me has been a change in the
relationships I hold dear. Not necessarily with my husband or my family. You
kind of expect those to change in some way (for better or worse and all that!).
It’s the change in friendships that has surprised me the most.
I automatically thought having a baby would bring me closer
to a lot of my existing friends, especially the ones who already had children.
But for one reason or another, it’s had the opposite effect and many of the
people I called ‘close friends’ just a few years a go, I now barely see or hear
from at all. To begin with, it hurt, it hurt a lot, but I’ve come through the
other end and have learnt a valuable lesson about the true meaning of
friendship. Something I didn’t think I’d need to re-learn in my thirties!
What it’s taught me most of all is that it’s never too late
to make new friends.
Whenever I meet new people, I instantly put up a shield and
I don’t find it that easy to take it down. I have a circle of trust and it
takes a lot to be allowed in. Mainly because I haven’t had a great experience
with friends in the past. I’ve been let down by so many people I considered a
close friend, that I pretty much decided I didn’t want to let anyone else in.
So when I had my son and I found myself on maternity leave, whilst most of my
friends were at work, it really hit me. I felt so alone. I didn’t have any other
friends that I could see on a regular basis and no one I could just pop over to
see for a cuppa and a reassuring hug.
I didn’t get on with the organised groups in my local area. It
was all too baby-focussed for me and I didn’t click with any of the other Mums
that went. I almost gave up, but then I decided to start my own ‘mum club’.
Just an informal meet up at a nice venue, local to me. Nothing formal and
nothing too ‘organised’, where local Mums could come along and meet other
likeminded women, off work at the same time, with children of a similar age. So
I sent out a Tweet and asked people to spread the word.
And I am so glad I did. Because I have since met three of
the most genuine, funny, kind and supportive women I’ve ever come across. Three
new friends I met less than a year ago, that I now consider my very best
friends.
We each had our children within a few months of each other
and have been a constant support to each other through all the good and bad times
in the last 10 months. They’re people I have just clicked with and became
instantly close to. We talk every day and they just get it, they get me!
This quote, made me realise how very lucky I am to have
found these three amazing women. I am truly grateful to have them in my life.
And I wanted to share my experience with Karen’s readers, because I know how
daunting it is, especially after you hit a certain age, to go out and make new
friends or make a change in your life. But it can also be so rewarding.
Life experiences can change people and sometimes that means
relationships change too. But it doesn’t have to be a negative. I believe that
everything happens for a reason, and losing those ‘friends’ I thought I had opened
up a space for new friends that have changed my life forever. xx
Gemma
Guscott works for herself as a Freelance PR Consultant and lives in
Worcestershire with her husband and son, you can read more from Gemma at
her sassy parenting blog Mission2Mum
She also runs the popular Mission2Mum parent and toddler group once a
month on a Wednesday morning and the fabulous Mission2Mum Club nights
that host local businesses in the Worcestershire area as well as
cocktails and lots fun with like minded mummies, for more information on
these check out Gemma's blog or Tweet her at @GemmaGuscott
Love this idea, I could have wrote this post about friendships, never thought I should just start a wee group of my own! Although I would be worried no one would show lol
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