Monday's Moment of Wisdom - Guest Pearl Number 46

Monday, 5 August 2013

‘If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. 
Think of something appropriate and do it.’
- Edgar Watson Howe

When Karen asked me to be part of her guest blogger ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ month I, of course, jumped at the chance to be part of it and I knew instantly what I wanted to talk about.

Karen’s posts are always so meaningful and genuine and I wanted to make sure my ‘pear of wisdom’ truly meant something to me.

For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write something on my own blog about relationships. In particular how they change after having a baby, and when I saw this quote it brought an instant smile to my face. You know, that smile when you get it. When it touches you. (not inappropriately or anything though!)

Since having my son (18 months ago now – how did that happen?) the most surprising change, for me has been a change in the relationships I hold dear. Not necessarily with my husband or my family. You kind of expect those to change in some way (for better or worse and all that!). It’s the change in friendships that has surprised me the most.

I automatically thought having a baby would bring me closer to a lot of my existing friends, especially the ones who already had children. But for one reason or another, it’s had the opposite effect and many of the people I called ‘close friends’ just a few years a go, I now barely see or hear from at all. To begin with, it hurt, it hurt a lot, but I’ve come through the other end and have learnt a valuable lesson about the true meaning of friendship. Something I didn’t think I’d need to re-learn in my thirties!

What it’s taught me most of all is that it’s never too late to make new friends.

Whenever I meet new people, I instantly put up a shield and I don’t find it that easy to take it down. I have a circle of trust and it takes a lot to be allowed in. Mainly because I haven’t had a great experience with friends in the past. I’ve been let down by so many people I considered a close friend, that I pretty much decided I didn’t want to let anyone else in. So when I had my son and I found myself on maternity leave, whilst most of my friends were at work, it really hit me. I felt so alone. I didn’t have any other friends that I could see on a regular basis and no one I could just pop over to see for a cuppa and a reassuring hug.

I didn’t get on with the organised groups in my local area. It was all too baby-focussed for me and I didn’t click with any of the other Mums that went. I almost gave up, but then I decided to start my own ‘mum club’. Just an informal meet up at a nice venue, local to me. Nothing formal and nothing too ‘organised’, where local Mums could come along and meet other likeminded women, off work at the same time, with children of a similar age. So I sent out a Tweet and asked people to spread the word.

And I am so glad I did. Because I have since met three of the most genuine, funny, kind and supportive women I’ve ever come across. Three new friends I met less than a year ago, that I now consider my very best friends.

We each had our children within a few months of each other and have been a constant support to each other through all the good and bad times in the last 10 months. They’re people I have just clicked with and became instantly close to. We talk every day and they just get it, they get me!

This quote, made me realise how very lucky I am to have found these three amazing women. I am truly grateful to have them in my life. And I wanted to share my experience with Karen’s readers, because I know how daunting it is, especially after you hit a certain age, to go out and make new friends or make a change in your life. But it can also be so rewarding.

Life experiences can change people and sometimes that means relationships change too. But it doesn’t have to be a negative. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and losing those ‘friends’ I thought I had opened up a space for new friends that have changed my life forever. xx

Gemma Guscott works for herself as a Freelance PR Consultant and  lives in Worcestershire with her husband and son, you can read more from Gemma at her sassy parenting blog Mission2Mum She also runs the popular Mission2Mum parent and toddler group once a month on a Wednesday morning and the fabulous Mission2Mum Club nights that host local businesses in the Worcestershire area as well as cocktails and lots fun with like minded mummies, for more information on these check out Gemma's blog or Tweet her at @GemmaGuscott   

1 comment:

  1. Love this idea, I could have wrote this post about friendships, never thought I should just start a wee group of my own! Although I would be worried no one would show lol