Through her looking glass - Jemma Andrew-Adiamah

Today I want to introduce you to a lady who's blog I have totally fallen in love with this year, we share the same passions and are inspired by the same people, her blog is on my must reads list each week and I know you will love her too!

Pearl of Wisdom No. 81 - Taking Care of You

We all go through wobbles about who we are, what we represent or how the world see us, I know I do and it can cause all kinds of crazy and toxic feelings with in ourselves, if you're feeling a bit blah about where you are in life and what your identity says to the world, this pearl of wisdom is for you. Write it down in your dairy, type it into your phone or on a sticky note stuck to your computer or bathroom mirror and refer back to it's message when ever you need a reminder that YOU are in control of your life and YOU get to define it, so get out there and start being who you truly want to be.

A Wednesday Pearl of Wisdom - Pearl Number 74

I know, it's a Wednesday but this post was too good to save until next week and I'm aware of the lack of Pearls on the blog lately so decided to share this with you today...

I was totally spoilt for choice when looking for a quote to match up with today's theme but decided this one from John Holmes was my favourite to use here, simple but powerful.

So I'm going to tell you a little story, a lovely lady who is in my blogging circle of friends had her second baby last year and has spent the following 12 months enjoying every single moment spent at home with her two little ones, her youngest has just turned one years old and the time to return to work has come round quicker than she expected.

We had spoken a few times leading up to this about how she was feeling as her return to the working world was parallel to my exit as my maternity leave started. Becca has been dreading this moment for a while and mentioned how she wished she could remain at home with the kids and have her blog as her main source of work (BTW check her out at Keeping Up with the Joneses this is the cutest lifestyle blog full of family, fashion and beauty!). I always love reading Becca's posts and often ask her advice on beauty products, and have always encouraged her to go for her dreams too as I know it would mean so much to her to spend her days investing in two of the things she is most passionate about, her babies and her blog.

So the dreaded day came for her on Monday and as I checked my Instagram feed that morning I came across a gorgeous picture of her baby boy with a caption about how much she would miss him and how sad she was feeling, I know this feeling well as I have already done it once when I had Miss LC and I sent her a simple message just to cheer her up and hoped it might help her a little.

Photo from Becca Galanopoulos

Later in the evening I returned back to Instagram and found another picture from Becca with the loveliest message for me underneath, Becca had written down my words and taken them with her, she told me it had really helped her to keep things in perspective and reminded her what she was trying to achieve, it had helped her get through that first awful day!

I was really blown away by this, never did I expect that what I had written would make such a big impact and I was thrilled to know that I had made her day a bit easier and lighter, such a simple message but what an amazing difference it went on to have...

I have been reading a lot lately about a certain line of thought and it goes like this, to serve others is the greatest gift you can give to the world and will make the biggest difference to those around you, I believe in this so much and love seeing it in action, knowing that my words had made her day lighter and more bearable was magic!

Now maybe it's just coincidence but I had my own Instagram magic moment this morning where someone has reached out to me and offered their own kindness because of a picture posted there, this only goes to reinforce to me that the vibes you put out there and the energy you want to feel will always come back to you if you support others in the same way.

So this week, how could you make a difference to someone else in need with a simple word or thought? Could you reach out to another to help them over come a hurdle, not for your gain but to simple make their day better? Maybe you have a story you could share here? I would love to read them!

Tuesday Moment of Wisdom - Pearl number 69

When I was 19 I got a job in London nannying for a very posh family in St Johns Wood, their former nanny was Australian and she was leaving to return home, she was there to show me ropes on my first week and at the end of it she invited me to go out with her friends at a near by Mexican restaurant. I was so pleased she had asked me, I knew no one in London and was quite shy back then, I was excited to get out and be social and hopefully make some new friends.We met all her friends at the restaurant they all seem so much cooler and confident than me and I was totally taken in, I remember sitting there feeling very small, no one really spoken to me apart from the odd polite thing, every so often the Australian nanny would smile at me or comment to me but of course she was busy having fun with her friends, anyway I liked listening to their conversation, learning about their lives and felt like I they could become my people and hoped that I would fit in at some point.At the end of the meal they started talking about where to go next, what pub or club would be good that night and I thought to myself maybe with the meal out the way I could start to relax and join in a bit more, we all settled the bill and everyone got up to leave and then the Australian nanny turned to me and said "Well, were all heading off to somewhere else now so I'll see you in the morning...." OH! I thought, I'm not invited along to the next part, I mumbled a sad goodbye and walked home by myself feeling disappointed that it hadn't gone well then and a bit sad that no one really like me, obviously I was too quiet and boring, why would they want me hanging around, I felt very lost and lonely in that big city.A month later still feeling lost and lonely, not having any confidence and not knowing where to meet people in a place that was completely alien to me I left and moved on. I look back at that experience now and still feel disappointed, but not by myself this time but at the attitude of all the people around me, I may not have been a super experienced, larger than life person with lots of witty or impressive stories to tell but I was a sweet person who was kind and thoughtful who was open minded and wanted to explore the world, meet as many different people as I could and was up for, well most things yet no one gave me a chance, based on a 45 minute meeting where everyone knew each other and I knew no one, was a bit younger and a bit quite they decided I was not good enough to get to know and that is certainly how it felt.Now I'm pleased to say that life is different, I'm of course much more confident with who I am and find it easier to connect with people because of this. I am sure of what I stand for, have faith in my identity and have the kind of you either like me or you don't attitude, I happy and comfort le with this.I do tend to surround myself with my kind of people however I do try to reach out to however crosses my path because after all you never know who may turn out to be your kind of person. I talk to so many women though who continue to go through similar situations and at all stage of life, mums who can't fit in at their local toddler group or at the school gates or someone who start a new jobs, a women who has moved to a new town or someone who joins a club but finds the self is left out. Women all over are facing isolation and are being excluded, because they are new, or young, or don't wear the right clothes, or have the wrong postcode, because they look different, sound different or have a different background, because they are shy or because they talk too much the list is endless it seems.I've been that girl, it sucks and it's upsetting when people judge you first hand and no one give you a chance to show your true colours or find a common ground. I remember how it felt as a 19 year old and I know that people of 69 still face this situation.  “Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you” ― Rasheed OgunlaruToday's Pearl of Wisdom is about stepping outside your friendship box, pushing your friendship boundaries and inspiring all of us to say Hi to someone we wouldn't normally connect to, maybe the newbie at work or baby group, maybe the neighbour who moved in a couple of weeks ago or the one who has been there for years. The person you stand next to at the bus stop, the mum you see at the school gates on her own or someone you are introduced to for the first time, ask them a question, try and find a common ground, you can never have to many friends to connect to in life and you never know how much your connection with them might mean in their life.I would love to hear your stories on friendship, if you've has a similar experience or if you have met someone who you didn't to expect to become a friend tell me about it below!

Mondays Moment of Wisdom - Pearl Number 57

Lately, I seem to be talking to lots of women about loneliness, it seems these ladies have families, work acquaintances, maybe old school friends they keep in touch with through Facebook, but no one they can say they have a real connection with. We all want friends around us, a family who we are bonded with and generally people in out lives to share moments with whether they are good or bad, having network of others who mean something and who we can spend our time with is very imporatnt and goes towards us feeling contented and valued. For many of people out there though this network of friendship and support is none existent and leaves many feeling isolated.

Some people love their own company, and believe me there are times when I love to have some proper "me" time to get a coffee, read a magazine or browse round the shops all by myself but I can find it difficult when I'm stuck by myself all day with no one to talk to, often I have my little side kick LC with me but there's nothing like a good gossip with a friend or a chat with your significant other at the end of the day. A lot of people are lacking this though even in this day and age of social media, face time and unlimited texting and have no idea how to reach out and meet others.

I can remember a time when I sat cold and lonely in my grotty beds it in my early twenties feeling rather down and out, I hadn't a clue how to connect with others, most of my school friends had moved away and I had made a few friends at work but no one I really connected with. I wish I knew then what I did now, that I didn't have to sit there alone, that there were ways to get myself out in to the world and find others like me, my tribe!

Of course now that we have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to name a few it's much easier to start connecting to others, although you may find like me, a lot of people don't understand the friendships you can make through social media, I have though made some amazing real life friends this way who I couldn't imagine not knowing now. I certainly wouldn't cynical about connecting with others this way.

I also think that there is such a sense of community in our towns and villages now and it is a lot easier to get involved with local committees and groups in your own backyard just by simply visiting your local community centre, church or notice board at the supermarket and have a look at what's going on.

Maybe there's a book club or a walking group you could sign up to? A slimming group or exercise class or possibly you could volunteer for a local charity, these are all great ways of exploring your passions, you couldn't even get brave and start your own club or group. Another way is to meet up with other like minded people is to learn a new skill, perhaps you've always wanted to learn to knit or take great photographs, checking out your local adult learning centre will open you up to a new world of possibilities!

Now I know some people will cringe at the thought of putting themselves out there, walking in to a room of strangers or tremble at the notion of trying something new. When you lack confidence or self belief it's hard to be open to new experiences but I guarentee that someone else there will be or would of had the same feelings dread and know exactly how it feels. It's also worth considering that a room full of strangers will know nothing about a new person who might turn up that week, so we can be who ever we want to be, they can't see how nervous we are inside even if we can feel it, to them it's a new face, a new person to talk to and get to know, not the fear that's bubbling. By pushing that fear aside or just putting it in a box somewhere for a minute it gives way to great and exciting new things ahead.

I believe that what put out there is what we will get back, if we put out a signals of a friendly, genuine and eager person, we will attract those kind of people back, the kind we can build relationships with, discover new passions with and feel connected with.

Have you ever put yourself out on a limb and made a new friend?

Do you have a great idea for meeting new people?

How have you tackled loneliness or isolation in the past?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this weeks Pearl of Wisdom 

Monday's Moment of Wisdom - Guest Pearl Number 46

‘If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. 

Think of something appropriate and do it.’

- Edgar Watson Howe

When Karen asked me to be part of her guest blogger ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ month I, of course, jumped at the chance to be part of it and I knew instantly what I wanted to talk about.

Karen’s posts are always so meaningful and genuine and I wanted to make sure my ‘pear of wisdom’ truly meant something to me.

For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write something on my own blog about relationships. In particular how they change after having a baby, and when I saw this quote it brought an instant smile to my face. You know, that smile when you get it. When it touches you. (not inappropriately or anything though!)

Since having my son (18 months ago now – how did that happen?) the most surprising change, for me has been a change in the relationships I hold dear. Not necessarily with my husband or my family. You kind of expect those to change in some way (for better or worse and all that!). It’s the change in friendships that has surprised me the most.

I automatically thought having a baby would bring me closer to a lot of my existing friends, especially the ones who already had children. But for one reason or another, it’s had the opposite effect and many of the people I called ‘close friends’ just a few years a go, I now barely see or hear from at all. To begin with, it hurt, it hurt a lot, but I’ve come through the other end and have learnt a valuable lesson about the true meaning of friendship. Something I didn’t think I’d need to re-learn in my thirties!

What it’s taught me most of all is that it’s never too late to make new friends.

Whenever I meet new people, I instantly put up a shield and I don’t find it that easy to take it down. I have a circle of trust and it takes a lot to be allowed in. Mainly because I haven’t had a great experience with friends in the past. I’ve been let down by so many people I considered a close friend, that I pretty much decided I didn’t want to let anyone else in. So when I had my son and I found myself on maternity leave, whilst most of my friends were at work, it really hit me. I felt so alone. I didn’t have any other friends that I could see on a regular basis and no one I could just pop over to see for a cuppa and a reassuring hug.

I didn’t get on with the organised groups in my local area. It was all too baby-focussed for me and I didn’t click with any of the other Mums that went. I almost gave up, but then I decided to start my own ‘mum club’. Just an informal meet up at a nice venue, local to me. Nothing formal and nothing too ‘organised’, where local Mums could come along and meet other likeminded women, off work at the same time, with children of a similar age. So I sent out a Tweet and asked people to spread the word.

And I am so glad I did. Because I have since met three of the most genuine, funny, kind and supportive women I’ve ever come across. Three new friends I met less than a year ago, that I now consider my very best friends.

We each had our children within a few months of each other and have been a constant support to each other through all the good and bad times in the last 10 months. They’re people I have just clicked with and became instantly close to. We talk every day and they just get it, they get me!

This quote, made me realise how very lucky I am to have found these three amazing women. I am truly grateful to have them in my life. And I wanted to share my experience with Karen’s readers, because I know how daunting it is, especially after you hit a certain age, to go out and make new friends or make a change in your life. But it can also be so rewarding.

Life experiences can change people and sometimes that means relationships change too. But it doesn’t have to be a negative. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and losing those ‘friends’ I thought I had opened up a space for new friends that have changed my life forever. xx

Gemma Guscott works for herself as a Freelance PR Consultant and  lives in Worcestershire with her husband and son, you can read more from Gemma at her sassy parenting blog Mission2Mum She also runs the popular Mission2Mum parent and toddler group once a month on a Wednesday morning and the fabulous Mission2Mum Club nights that host local businesses in the Worcestershire area as well as cocktails and lots fun with like minded mummies, for more information on these check out Gemma's blog or Tweet her at @GemmaGuscott   

In words we find comfort...

Today seems like a good day to make a gratitude list, you see despite the blue skies we have here things seemed rather grey this morning and my lust for life had all but disappeared. Illness, sleep deprivation, disorganisation and disappointment were all playing major parts in my life story and I was feeling achingly out of control, I really wanted to get back under the duvet and hide there all day! I couldn't though, I had commitments and responsibilities which I managed to drag myself onwards to do, but as I went about my morning something in me started to lift slightly, influenced by the thoughts and kindness of other, I started to think about all the things that made me smile, that I was thankful for and that I know were a sure positive in my life, so here is my gratitude list for today...

1. Well the sky is actually blue and there is lots of sunshine.
2. LC wanted lots of cuddles with me this morning, despite being grumpy.
3. I am going to London on Friday to spend time with lots of people I am very fond of, and I am sure to make some new friends too!
4. I am visiting the V&A museum on Sunday, a place I love and rarely go to these days.
5. I a mere 4 weeks we are off to Portugal!
6. People I love are getting married soon, I am so excited to be a part of their love stories!
7. We are really chasing our dream of moving to Canada, we are actually going for it!
8. I have lost 2 dress sizes in 4 months, I feel lighter and healthier.
9. My husbands kindness and understanding.
10. People around me, in many guises, who get what I'm going through...
11. That we were able to save the baby bird that our cat brought in this morning!
12. I have 4 hours to myself this afternoon...

Now that I've started I could actually go on, I realise that there is much to be appreciative for and writing a gratitude list really helps me to see this, sometimes we all need a bit of help finding the positives in life and writing it down is a useful way of doing it I think.

I also don't want to forget the people around me to who have, unbeknown to them, inspired me to do this today, just by by sharing conversation with them about how I'm feeling what's going on and general chit chat my mind has been provoked to think about some great things happening right here, right now in my life.

So in dedication to their kind spirit and comforting enthusiasm here is a some bedtime reading for tonight...

Twins Tiara's and Tantrums
City girl gone coastal
Mum Ramblings
Mission2Mum
MYCreative

I'm a great believer in Karma so I expect these ladies are all due some good fortune soon or at least something that comes their way to give them a smile...

Have you ever written a gratitude list? What do you do when you need to look on the sunnier side of life?
Do leave me a comment, I would be very thankful for that too!

A weekend post: being brave, making connections!

It seems that certain themes have been flowing through my life over the last couple of weeks, healthy eating for one but also friendship and a couple of weeks ago I wrote about long standing friendships and what impact they have on shaping how you manage life's ups and downs and today I am touching on the subject of friendship again.

Normally I would of posted a Feel Good Friday post yesterday but I've spent a couple of days up North being a busy lady and having a rare chance to socialise without my husband or toddler in tow! But what was even more special about this time was the new connections that blossomed from it! So today a weekend post for you with some thoughts and inspiration on friendships new....

I was very lucky to attend the Mission2Mum Club Event on Thursday night and I was introduced to some fabulous ladies and got to look at some lovely products including Keungzai and Party Pickles (both run by very friendly, inspiring, hard working women!) A great night was had by all and our host Gemma Guscott worked really hard to make the whole event go smoothly and what a great job she did! I really enjoyed getting an exclusive look at everything there but what I came away with that was more valuable to me was new friendships. I attended the vent on my own and as I was driving there I have to admit I felt a bit anxious, obviously I knew Gemma, but no one else. I had visions of me standing alone in the corner with my virgin cocktail (I was driving) staring off in to space and looking like a lost sheep! I needn't worry because my lovely friend introduced me straight away to some very talented and easy going ladies who actually found me interesting company (I hope!) and spent more time chatting away than looking a all the lovely stuff that was on offer! At the end of the night I felt I had really clicked with the ladies I met and left with what might new friendships to enjoy in the future. Here are some photo's I took from the night, although they aren't the best, I was too busy having fun!

 

Reflecting back over my time away I am so glad I put myself out there, if I hadn't gone I wouldn't of found new products I love or had the chance to make some genuine new connections, it was nerve wracking and I could of bottled out at the last minute but I sat in my car and thought to myself what's the worse that can happen, I'll have a drink, look at some bits and then if no ones talks to me I can at least enjoy the fact that I got out the house in clean clothes, make up done and just had some time to myself. Anyway, I had the best time and proved to myself that you just never know what's out there waiting for you and seizing opportunities can lead to new experiences, friendships made and exciting times ahead! 

Modelling her fairy accessories from Party Pickles!

So if you find yourself in a similar situation I urge you to seize the moment and go for it, the world is full opportunities to meet new friends, you just have to let yourself be brave enough to reach out! 

I'd love to hear about a new friend in your life, how you met or why you connected, leave me a comment below!