Tuesday Moment of Wisdom - Pearl number 69

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

When I was 19 I got a job in London nannying for a very posh family in St Johns Wood, their former nanny was Australian and she was leaving to return home, she was there to show me ropes on my first week and at the end of it she invited me to go out with her friends at a near by Mexican restaurant. I was so pleased she had asked me, I knew no one in London and was quite shy back then, I was excited to get out and be social and hopefully make some new friends.We met all her friends at the restaurant they all seem so much cooler and confident than me and I was totally taken in, I remember sitting there feeling very small, no one really spoken to me apart from the odd polite thing, every so often the Australian nanny would smile at me or comment to me but of course she was busy having fun with her friends, anyway I liked listening to their conversation, learning about their lives and felt like I they could become my people and hoped that I would fit in at some point.At the end of the meal they started talking about where to go next, what pub or club would be good that night and I thought to myself maybe with the meal out the way I could start to relax and join in a bit more, we all settled the bill and everyone got up to leave and then the Australian nanny turned to me and said "Well, were all heading off to somewhere else now so I'll see you in the morning...." OH! I thought, I'm not invited along to the next part, I mumbled a sad goodbye and walked home by myself feeling disappointed that it hadn't gone well then and a bit sad that no one really like me, obviously I was too quiet and boring, why would they want me hanging around, I felt very lost and lonely in that big city.A month later still feeling lost and lonely, not having any confidence and not knowing where to meet people in a place that was completely alien to me I left and moved on. I look back at that experience now and still feel disappointed, but not by myself this time but at the attitude of all the people around me, I may not have been a super experienced, larger than life person with lots of witty or impressive stories to tell but I was a sweet person who was kind and thoughtful who was open minded and wanted to explore the world, meet as many different people as I could and was up for, well most things yet no one gave me a chance, based on a 45 minute meeting where everyone knew each other and I knew no one, was a bit younger and a bit quite they decided I was not good enough to get to know and that is certainly how it felt.Now I'm pleased to say that life is different, I'm of course much more confident with who I am and find it easier to connect with people because of this. I am sure of what I stand for, have faith in my identity and have the kind of you either like me or you don't attitude, I happy and comfort le with this.I do tend to surround myself with my kind of people however I do try to reach out to however crosses my path because after all you never know who may turn out to be your kind of person. I talk to so many women though who continue to go through similar situations and at all stage of life, mums who can't fit in at their local toddler group or at the school gates or someone who start a new jobs, a women who has moved to a new town or someone who joins a club but finds the self is left out. Women all over are facing isolation and are being excluded, because they are new, or young, or don't wear the right clothes, or have the wrong postcode, because they look different, sound different or have a different background, because they are shy or because they talk too much the list is endless it seems.I've been that girl, it sucks and it's upsetting when people judge you first hand and no one give you a chance to show your true colours or find a common ground. I remember how it felt as a 19 year old and I know that people of 69 still face this situation.  “Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you” ― Rasheed OgunlaruToday's Pearl of Wisdom is about stepping outside your friendship box, pushing your friendship boundaries and inspiring all of us to say Hi to someone we wouldn't normally connect to, maybe the newbie at work or baby group, maybe the neighbour who moved in a couple of weeks ago or the one who has been there for years. The person you stand next to at the bus stop, the mum you see at the school gates on her own or someone you are introduced to for the first time, ask them a question, try and find a common ground, you can never have to many friends to connect to in life and you never know how much your connection with them might mean in their life.I would love to hear your stories on friendship, if you've has a similar experience or if you have met someone who you didn't to expect to become a friend tell me about it below!


  1. Confidence comes with age. 23 years ago I got married & was convinced no-one liked me enough to come from work to the evening celebration. I was the youngest person there & they all seemed so cool with exciting lives. Fast forward to now, we still meet up regularly for mammoth catch up's!!
    As always a beautifully written post :-). Xx

    1. Thanks! Definitely confidence comes with age, so does an understanding of people and an open mind, I find I reach out to so many people now than I did 10 or 15 years ago! I'm glad you made some friends for life, they are always good to have around :)

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  3. I'm already done and over with that issue. I always remind myself that there are group of people who have their own preference when it comes to having someone around them. It's just they are the kind of people who really value their circle and are very particular who goes into it. I don't have hang-ups with that, it's just that you need to make an extra effort to engage other people who will welcome you into their circle.